“I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.”

Three weeks ago I decided to throw my hat into a new ring and officially become a competition climber . At the ripe old age of none of your f’ing business I qualify for the “Masters” division in this weekend’s “Battle of Champions” at Stone Gardens Ballard(home court advantage plus old geezer status, you don’t get a more winning combo than that outside of the Taco Bell #5 w/ a Mt Dew, do you?). The masters division conjures up visions of old timers in plaid trousers playing golf at a snail’s pace, but unfortunately for me I think the crowd I’ll be lumped in will likely be a bit more spry.

Like every great athlete in the prime of their game I strategically surrounded myself with the best only coaching team possible  available. Sam and Ben agreed to come on board immediately. They crafted a  training regime that would not only cater to my strengths(post climbing frosties) but also eliminate my weaknesses(slopers, pinches, anything hung over overhung, smearing, problems with bad feet, not breathing and anything reachy)  to the point we all thought it was completely reasonable for me to dominate finish the top 25 of the old man division.

Sam and Ben devised a 2 tier approach to training that centered around 3 Tank Top Techno Training Tuesday workouts (aka Ben Moon’s campus board routine) along with losing 4 kgs. We also snuck in a trip to Gold Bar that I posted some pics from earlier where I climb real hard all day but never topped out. Mentally you don’t want to go outside and be topping out a bunch of v6 and v7s right before a comp where you won’t have to top out a single problem. As it stands I made it to 2 out of 3 TTTT workouts and have lost 2.5 kgs. TTTTT’ng has become a way of life and probably the best part of the whole experience. Another post at a later date of the benefits of  water campus boarding.

So with only 3 days until comp time the stars are lining up well. The last tick on the list is securing that ever important sponsorship deal because what am I if not a caricature billboard of myself walking around in hippy sandalshoes spraying about how rad my radass sponsor is. Don’t worry if you haven’t heard from me yet you may still have a chance. Likely the aforementioned purveyor of fine Mexican will fill my major donor spot aka “Nacho BellgranDonor” but I’m also hopeful in helping another burgeoning local company make it to the spotlight on Saturday at the “Poco Gordito” level.

See all you blue hairs on Saturday!